St Mary's News WEEKLY NEWS – THURSDAY 28th OCTOBER

By Martin Gibson. Contact: mrtngibs@aol.com

Services Sunday 31st October: 9:30am Holy Communion with Rev David Moss. 6pm Service of Thanksgiving with Revds David Moss and Ann Lloyd

The funeral took place last Friday of our friend Revd Ann Parker. It was held in the quaint, tardis like church of All Saints in Compton Greenfield. Revd Ann Lloyd officiated with assistance from Rev Philip Rowe and Steve Oram.

There was a degree of solemnity and a lot of celebration. We heard from three of Ann’s friends; firstly a lady who had been at boarding school with her in Swanage. Ann was known as Butty in school (her maiden name was Butters). She told how two things in particular were banned at the school – talking after “lights out” and midnight feasts. Apparently Ann was very good at both!

Then from Ann’s daughter who related a story of how Ann fell off a boat into a loch, was saturated and proceeded to take her clothes off as a small crowd gathered, quietly singing David Rose’s immortal song, “The Stripper”.

Finally an Easter Compton village friend who described many happy cooking memories – and plentiful reference to “a glass of wine or three”.

The church tower is due to be “topped out” on Wednesday 3rd November. This means that work at the highest point is complete. In the past 100 years it has been traditional for a barrel of beer to be placed on the roof, but the Buildings Committee thought this inappropriate – especially at 9am. So an ancient tradition is being revived. In Medieval times it was usual for the roof of a new building (or one that had been re-worked) to be adorned with a wreath of yew. The theory was that a new, perhaps tallest, building would alter the skyline and disturb the spirits of surrounding trees and so a wreath of yew would placate them. Seeing that we have a yew tree in the churchyard dating back to 1400AD, this idea ought to work!

The QUIZ is back – and with a BANG. Last Saturday 66 of us turned up to pit our knowledge (some more successfully than others) against each other. An excellent sweet and sour chicken dinner was served. Many thanks to all who helped and especially the Harries family for all their hard work. A total of over £880 was raised – a record.

Next Monday, starting at 7.30pm is the Monday Movie Club film about a lady who gives up her conventional life in the USA and goes on the road in her camper van. She meets and engages with other members of this quirky lifestyle. Winner of FIVE Oscars. Highly recommended. Entrance free and open to everyone.

The PCC meets next Wednesday (3rd November) in St Mary’s at 7:30pm.

Parish Council News: OPC is starting to explore ways in which to celebrate Her Majesty’s Diamond Jubilee next Summer. The VAS Speed cameras have been relocated – on Old Down Hill and outside the Parish Hall. Whilst this latter one was accumulating data (but not displaying) it recorded a vehicle travelling at 73mph. Ash Die Back is on the agenda and a tree in the parish car park is being monitored. Thought is being given to a laser light show, rather than a bonfire – perhaps St Mary’s tower might be a fine landmark?The play area at Old Down on the village green is proving extremely popular, not just with villagers but also with the children of Mums & Dads playing football. The Football club now has 6 Junior Teams (under 18), 2 ladies teams and 3 men’s teams. Redecoration of the outside of the pavilion (owned by the parish council) is nearly complete.

And finally:

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard –
but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I’ve been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for
building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even
though in my view it is a temporary structure.
We had to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority
ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental
impact study on your proposed flood.
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many BMEs I’m supposed to hire for my building team.
The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark.”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not
going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The British Government are already in the process of
doing it.”

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